decisions

Between the last blog posting and our post due momma heading to the hospital Wednesday and walking out against doc’s order when the only option for her at 43+ was a CS, to go back the following evening and submit (I don’t know the outcome of that yet) coupled with my own daughter’s emotional issues getting to a point where she has an appointment for evaluation to determine if she is autistic/asperger’s, I have come to the decision to postpone my apprenticeship and spend the summer with my family and get caught up with AAMI and college classes.



I am due to complete phase 1 by next weekend and I am going to try my hardest to do so, I have a lot of the assignments complete and have been getting organized, but I have not been able to read the entire workbook as of yet, I am on page 100.

I am marching in my town’s Strawberry Parade with a midwife who opened a birth center in my town this year.

I am coming to understand on a deeper level why Carla is so passionate about the licensure bullshit. As I watched 2 mommas (2/3 of our May clients) who have ended in CS struggle with staying within the boundaries of the law that allows them to birth with their chosen midwife and watch as the midwife struggles with herself to care for these mothers who ventured outside of her legal boundaries, I am fearful, disappointed, disgusted, overwhelmed and confused. I struggled to accept my Preceptor’s decisions, even though I understood her position and it was not a win win for anyone. The amount of people’s lives that were effected by the need to stay within boundaries of the law was unacceptable. I wanted to just allow these 2 momma’s to relax and let go and not be trying to have a baby and force what you can not force without drugs and violence. Luckily I was able to experience witnessing a beautiful, natural, uncomplicated birth in the midst of it all to reassure myself that IT IS POSSIBLE to just go with the flow and everything is fine and babies are born into happy healthy parent’s hands. Refilling only chux pads and gloves because nothing else from the birth kit was used, leaving the room as soon as the baby was born and leaving mom and dad and baby alone for an hour undisturbed, allowing the grandma’s to handle the older brother and help the parents while we merely were there for holding safe and sacred space, it felt so right, so beautiful, so incredible to serve the way we are meant to serve…. That is what I want to do for families, without the hindrance of time tables and legal bullshit in the way. A relaxed, easy going, confident mom and supportive family makes all the difference in the world.




So, yeah… I am going to step back, still participate at the birth center and do promotional work once a week, hold classes and get togethers and stay active in the community, but I am not going to be on call, I am going to spend time with my family while we grow more accustomed to supporting my daughter with special needs and grow my garden and visit with my extended family who is coming to visit and work on my school work so I can stay on task. The goal is to go back to the birth center on call again in Sept 2011.

What a ride…..

The perfect midwife

My idea of the perfect midwife is: someone who can be focused, calm, and fast to think of solutions. Someone who can facilitate growth while maintaining relationships that lead to sharing the same empowerment amongst the community as a whole. Someone who knows how to “pay it forward” and trusts that she can give willingly and know that she will receive what she needs in return. She is appreciated by the community and people trust her. He can be tough when she needs to protect herself or the people she is caring for, she can be brave when she has to do something hard, she can be quiet when it is time to witness and she can be available when she is needed for help. She is strong in her convictions but not afraid to learn from others. She is open to diversity in cultures and respects traditions and different belief systems. She honors her work as a midwife as a privilege and is gracious for the opportunity to help people who seek her. She knows when to say no to someone she cannot help. She balances her passion for service with her love of her family. She sets an example to the community of peaceful presence and responsible agency. She is happy to teach other women the arts that she possesses and knows that by enabling more people to practice, she ensures everyone a better life. She is ok with not living in luxury and appreciates the little things in life, she finds her riches in the relationships she builds and the people she calls friends. When things get difficult, she can calmly react and manage the situation and even if there is not a favorable outcome, she is confident and humble at the same time.

learning the office ropes

This week has been very exciting, learning how the file system works, how to log MANA stats and where to find things around the birth center. I am loving working with these ladies, Anita is especially patient and sweet. I am so blessed to have such a great team of women willing to teach me how to make this happen. I have to get some paperwork ordered for documenting my expereinces correctly. Definitely some organization is in order. Today, I brought some extra clothes and supplies to keep here. Yesterday I spilled my drink all over my skirt ont he way here! So embarrassing.

I am exhausted at the same time. School is kicking my ass (I am getting a C in all my classes), and sick kids at home. Tiana is starting to get very demanding and manipulative about attention seeking, Olyvia has had a fever for 3 days and just finally decided to cooperate about medicine. Tim has a lot of school demands keeping his attention, and Robbie is doing his usual, helping half assed self. He is so capable of more, yet he is so distracted and unwilling to show some effort to think of anything but hisown desires, guess that comes with his age...

Peggy has been a Godsend, helping so much with the kids and taking care of Olyvia while she has been sick. I just love her so much! I can't wait to bring her to the BC to meet the ladies and have a quilt workshop weekend! Tiana is excited about it too.

Pitocin's untold impact

Pitocin's untold impact

This is incredible information that everyone should be paying attention to.

Midwifery Today Conference, Eugene, OR

I am so excited to be getting ready for the conference this week. I wrote out my itinerary, went to the store to buy some easily portable, healthy snacks, washed the laundry, prepped the husband and kids about what will need to be done while I am gone for the next 4 days and I am ready to go have a FUN! I am really looking forward to the story telling and potlatch and dancing after the workshops! I am in such need for that kind of atmosphere, getting back in touch with the sacred feminine and being in a very womanly space. I miss it so much! I am really anticipating the classes and the knowledge and hope I take good enough notes so I can remember everything I learn. I wish I was staying down there the whole time so I didn't have to drive an hour after a long day, 4 days in a row, but it is better for me to come home. Besides, my kitty and birdie and doggies will miss me more than the kids! LOL


School at LBCC started this week for spring term. I ended up taking bio 101 and psych 203 at the Campus, along with a cardio/core exercise class. Math is at home on the net and Midwifery starts in a week. I sure hope I can manage all of this. The psych class is pretty interesting so far. The professor is one that Tim had before and his wife is a farmer and has a farm stay. The material is good, I think it will hold my interest enough and be a good review from some of the stuff I already know and then move on to stuff I hadn't thought about on this level. I am considering completing the pysch course and maybe taking a minor in pysch to open more possibilities of different positions that may be available if things actually pick up for the economy around here, which I have more doubt about than I would like to admit. I really think I m doing the right thing with getting into midwifery and learning herbal and natural medicine for women and children. I think it is one sure way to ensure a place in the community and help people, regardless of what is going on in politics and economies. Midwives did their part to support their families for many many years before the medical industry took over everything, I am sure we are heading back to that era soon.

Here it comes....

When I started considering moving toward midwifery, I had a feeling it was going to be like considering to have another baby. We talked about it, made some plans, discussed what we needed to do. I wondered if I was ready for this commitment, all the work invovled, the responsibility, the learning, what am I getting myself into. Than the searching, looking trying, preparing, creating, studying on if I wnt to even go through wiht it. Then the reality hits, it is confirmed, I am spending money on books, tuition, confrences, interviewing with other Midwives, making business cards, creating a website, moving forward. I feel like I am hitting the 2nd trimester right now, about to pass through another landmark this week. This week is the confrence and I start my studies at Ancient Art Midwifery Institute. I know something BIG is waiting for me to find it and break through and I will see the world in a whole new light. My intuition that has lead me this far is presenting more and more reasons to trust my self in this journey and go with it. The more people I meet, the more books I find, the more I run into people who are beggin for this paradigm shift, people taking back their HUMAN RIGHTS in so many ways, all over the world in all kinds of cultures. We are coming HOME to the Mother to the Earth, we are reclaiming ourselves and our rights to LIVE and breathe and birth and eat and just live. I am so excited to be gripping this journey, growing, changing, evolving yet again into knowing myself for who *I* am. Fully exploring my purpose, my passion and my presence.

It is peaceful to trust that this is going to work out for the best because it HAS TO. I can't wait to be with my sisters and share this Love, this energy of Mother, and watch it grow and be passed on and nurtured.