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Saturday, May 28, 2011

decisions

Between the last blog posting and our post due momma heading to the hospital Wednesday and walking out against doc’s order when the only option for her at 43+ was a CS, to go back the following evening and submit (I don’t know the outcome of that yet) coupled with my own daughter’s emotional issues getting to a point where she has an appointment for evaluation to determine if she is autistic/asperger’s, I have come to the decision to postpone my apprenticeship and spend the summer with my family and get caught up with AAMI and college classes.



I am due to complete phase 1 by next weekend and I am going to try my hardest to do so, I have a lot of the assignments complete and have been getting organized, but I have not been able to read the entire workbook as of yet, I am on page 100.

I am marching in my town’s Strawberry Parade with a midwife who opened a birth center in my town this year.

I am coming to understand on a deeper level why Carla is so passionate about the licensure bullshit. As I watched 2 mommas (2/3 of our May clients) who have ended in CS struggle with staying within the boundaries of the law that allows them to birth with their chosen midwife and watch as the midwife struggles with herself to care for these mothers who ventured outside of her legal boundaries, I am fearful, disappointed, disgusted, overwhelmed and confused. I struggled to accept my Preceptor’s decisions, even though I understood her position and it was not a win win for anyone. The amount of people’s lives that were effected by the need to stay within boundaries of the law was unacceptable. I wanted to just allow these 2 momma’s to relax and let go and not be trying to have a baby and force what you can not force without drugs and violence. Luckily I was able to experience witnessing a beautiful, natural, uncomplicated birth in the midst of it all to reassure myself that IT IS POSSIBLE to just go with the flow and everything is fine and babies are born into happy healthy parent’s hands. Refilling only chux pads and gloves because nothing else from the birth kit was used, leaving the room as soon as the baby was born and leaving mom and dad and baby alone for an hour undisturbed, allowing the grandma’s to handle the older brother and help the parents while we merely were there for holding safe and sacred space, it felt so right, so beautiful, so incredible to serve the way we are meant to serve…. That is what I want to do for families, without the hindrance of time tables and legal bullshit in the way. A relaxed, easy going, confident mom and supportive family makes all the difference in the world.




So, yeah… I am going to step back, still participate at the birth center and do promotional work once a week, hold classes and get togethers and stay active in the community, but I am not going to be on call, I am going to spend time with my family while we grow more accustomed to supporting my daughter with special needs and grow my garden and visit with my extended family who is coming to visit and work on my school work so I can stay on task. The goal is to go back to the birth center on call again in Sept 2011.

What a ride…..

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