For years when people would ask me what I wanted to be, how did I see myself in 20 years, I always answered I would be living on a small farm as the community midwife. I said I was going to retire as a long dreaded, grey haired old lady of the mountain and people would seek me out to help them birth their babies. I have studied natural childbirth for more than 10 year now, my entire adult life. A good percent of my female friends are midwives. I have always considered myself one at heart, and now, it is time.
After having 2 incredible natural births, at home, in the water, I knew I had to share this with others. I knew that it was the right of all women to have the opportunity and support to birth thier babies as nature intended and that without people who were willing to continue practicing the art of midwifery, civilization would soon wipe it out and industrialize birth, and over the last 10 years, I have to say, my prediction has been acurate.
I ignored my drive to practice midwifery while in a transition of my own life where my children were maturing from babies into adolecence. I tried to find a carreer that was going to allow me to utilize my passion and make a decent living. I gave up my babycarrier business and tried a hand at real estate, thinking I could help teach people a gentler way of living in their space, "Saving the Wolrd, One Property at a Time" and instead had a taste of economics again. I jumped into my last 2 businesses with no expeirience and no education and both of those businesses have taught me well on how to manage, create, and market a service and both have given me insight and knowledge that will help me tremendously in my next venture.
When I started school in the fall, I thought I was going for a science degree. Then, I started writing papers and they all came back to parenting and birth. When thinking of how I was going to educate people on a better way of stewardship for the Earth, of why we need to make some major changes to our culture to create a livable future for our children, it all came back to birth. I started having dreams where I was pregnant, dreams where I was helping others, dreams of midwives talking to me and inviting me into their circle, like an old friend who hadn't been around for a while. The most powerful dreams I have had in a LONG time that felt like they meant something. Old friends started popping up. People I would meet were bringing up topics about birth and what has been going on in the "industry" here and how many people were having their lives impacted by the lack of choices and the overmanagement of birth. I started seeing things in my own children that I directly relate to the way they were birthed and parented. I realized that in order to have a population of people that are empathetic and aware enough to make the needed changes that will come in the next generations, it had to start at birth. We have to take the industry out of the nature of the whole planet. It has to start with parenting and that starts in pregnancy.
My goal is to empower parents, educate them, tell the old stories, enlighten them to a gentler, more natural and instinctive way of parenting so that this generation can withhold the changes and gain the skills that our past generations have lacked in thinking further than their own needs, respecting the lives of everything around them and trusting in nature to take care of us, instead of managing it and trapping it and brutalizing it at every turn.
I dreamed this afternoon while napping. I am getting a cold and am trying to treat myself gently. My nap dream had many parts. One where I was argueing with someone about building a road through a feild, one where my daigther olyvia was competing in a surfing tournament against adults and winning with waves bigger than I have ever seen in real life. (I am terrified of the ocean and have many reoccuring wave dreams where I wake up breathless and scared BTW). Another part where I was hiding a tomahawk and someone found me and said I was not allowed to keep weapons, I told them it was a gift from an elder and I was keeping it. They then bowed their head to me in honor and asked who I was and I respeonded I was a midwife, they left quietly with understanding. Then another person came in and called me a warrior, that I was assigned this duty and it was my responsibility to do this. They named me but I can't remember it.
As a teenager I had dreams of crows and wolves. I looked up their meaning and decided I had been shown my spirit animals, my guides and they have proven to be the guidance that fits with my lessons and challenges and passions. I had a dream of a feather tattoo that I went out and got the following day, not knowing the meaning until meeting with a Wise Woman in New Port Richey several years later. According to her, it meant that I had found my spirit animals nd was a symbol of initiation. I remember as she told me this, it felt so profound. I had listend to my dreams and they guided me well at that time. Wolves are teachers, matriarchal, loyal and family oriented, and crows are the keepers of universal law, shape shifters.
As I process my dream from this afternoon, the way I see it unfold is I am given a new role, I see my daughter overcoming obstacles that I fear, I see respect and honor in this path and a responsibility to follow it. The way things have unfolded in the last 2 months, it just feels right.
I am so excited as I re-enter this path. I feel as though all the crazieness of the past several years has prepared me for this journey. I can not begin to explain how good it feels to be listening to my spirit.
Thank you to all who have supported and contributed in my growth over the years. You all have taught me something important that will help me continue to grow.