Zonta Scholarship Essay

I received word yesterday that I was chosen to receive a $2700 scholarship from the Zonta Club of Corvallis. I had to write a one page essay on how I plan on serving women in the community. One page is a hard limit for me as there are so many ways in which I plan to serve the community for so many reasons but I did it and apparently it worked so here is the essay, enjoy!

Zonta Scholarship Essay by Kaire Downin

Taking 12 credits a term, keeping a GPA of over 3.0 as well as navigating a health care system to manage the care of my daughter with Autism has been one of the most challenging aspects of being a mom in college. After experiencing these challenges and deciding to home school my daughter, its becoming even more challenging yet and I don’t see it getting much easier. That being said, my passion and drive to make the world a better place for my daughters and the women and daughters in my community fuels my love for education and addiction to volunteering.

                At OSU, I am working on 2 degrees, one in Human Development and Family Science, the other in Women Studies with a minor in Psychology.  The main goal of my education is to be a midwife. I hope to continue to attend college part time to earn the prerequisite credits to finish in the National College of Naturopathic Medicine in Portland where I will become a naturopathic physician and midwife. I will approach midwifery in a way that is more than catching babies, but transforming women into strong, independent, empowered and educated mothers by supporting the formation of their family with Holistic care. Working with mothers who are survivors of abuse is one of my top priorities. Childbirth is a time of transformation where the opportunity to heal many past emotional and spiritual injuries is present. I plan to provide support to help families grow out of old pains and into a new position of love and care, even if these mothers have not experienced a life of that themselves.

                Having dropped out of high school the day I turned 16 and being a homeless teen, I didn’t have the opportunities or support to become a college graduate early in my life. I worked in night clubs, eventually finding a partner and getting pregnant at 19. Shortly after the birth of our son, we were married and have remained together for 16 years. I went to Massage Therapy school and worked for 4 years until I had my 2^nd child. I spent 4 years of my 2 daughters’ early lives working from home as a seamstress after designing a baby carrier and creating an online business that failed due to the lack of financial investment I could contribute. After the loss of that opportunity, I had my hand at real estate, but that coincided with the drop in the market and I was, again, suffering due to lack of financial support and was forced to quit that endeavor and go to college. I never, in a million years, thought I would be a college student, and I certainly never thought I would be considering becoming a doctor.

                The birth of my children was the most transformative and healing process for me. Currently, I am studying textbooks, reading studies, writing papers, attending a study group and conferences, and providing birth support as a doula when I am available. I also provide herbal and placenta medicine to new moms and post partum help with breastfeeding. I never turn down a client for lack of money because ALL moms deserve care. I believe the future of our society depends on peaceful births and support of mothers to raise peaceful children who will care about the people around them and the Earth we live on. I believe that Midwifery is one of the highest forms of working with women and is important for all people. All babies deserve a peaceful birth.

                Acknowledging the lack of midwifery care in our health system has put me in position to be an activist politically. I am the Vice Chair of the Linn County Community Advisory Committee that oversees the efforts of Intercommunity Health Network and Samaritan Health services to perform the contracted duties of providing care to Oregon Health Care clients.  Oregon Health Care is in a big transition and being a part of this committee puts me in a position to influence the way that health care is administered to the underprivileged population that uses OHP for services. The current goals are to reduce spending, provide patient centered, preventative care and create a system that addresses the full needs of the community which is currently lacking in mental health, maternity service, disability care, and drug and alcohol rehabilitation. It is an honor and privilege to be in this position which I was nominated for.

So as you can see, I am an active and passionate community member with a focus on women and children. Receiving this scholarship would help my family tremendously. We currently are a month behind on our mortgage and are wondering how we will pay for child care over the summer so we can both attend school full time. My part time care taking job will likely be terminated in another month.  To be the recipient of this scholarship would be a blessing. Thank you for your consideration. 

10 Yellow Things

In one of my classes, my professor likes to start the class with a writing exercise. He asked us to write down a list of 10 yellow things and then write a poem, we had 10 minutes. This is what I got....

My Notebook
Roses for Suffrage
Sections of my Rainbow House
The Sunset
Pineapples
Pears
Crayons
My Tank Top
Pill Boxes
Soap Bottles

The Sunset reminds me of evenings spent sipping pineapple frozen drinks in the Keys
I wore my tank top that matches my mom's favorite yellow roses,
but she doesn't know they had anything to do with suffrage voting.
I moved far away from there
and instead of lemons in my back yard
there are pears
My bathroom is smaller
with soap bottles and pill boxes scattered on the counter top
and outside there is a rainbow painted on the front of my old house.
My children no linger draw on the walls with crayons
and instead my notebooks go missing.
This is what home looks like,
Ever changing as fast as the sunset.

GMO Madness

click here to enlarge

This is a subject I have been paying quite a bit of attention to for several years. The single most convincing argument I have heard is from Robin Lim, a famous midwife in Indonesia who has been working with women there for over 20 years. She has found that since GMO soy and corn crops have been added to the diets of the women in Indonesia, there has been a huge influx of placenta abnormalities. Problems with the placenta that are life threatening to the baby that used to be rare are now being seen more often, as much as several times a day in the birth center where she assists in the delivery in over 10 babies a day. You can read more about her experience here: 

We do not have enough research that shows that these modified food are safe for people, we do have studies showing they alter the genes of animals. The same company that made Agent Orange and DDT makes these GMOs and they said the previous chemicals were safe and they were not. I guaranty once you go looking around and connect the dots that you will find that this is an experiment being done, especially on the poor people of the world and we are losing. 

Monsanto sold thousands of these types of crops to people in India and when their crops died, families lost everything. Thousands of farmers have committed suicide from the practices of Monsanto selling them seeds that don't grow, with the promise that they will have better crops. They infect crops that are natural and ruin the livlihoods of anyone in the area. The company makes them dispose of all their own seeds that they have learned to save for generations, they test nearby farmers and if their crops show signs of the GMO they sue them. This practice forces the farmers to buy seeds every year and prevents them from using the farmers knowledge and tradition of how to grow proper food, making their land bare and stealing everything from their families. You can read more about that here.

I invite you to do read beyond this one page to educate yourself on not only the health destruction but the life destruction that this business promotes, the horrible business practices and go a bit further to learn that the former lobbyist, Michael Taylor, of this monstrous company has been appointed by OBAMA as the Senior Advisory to Commissioner for the FDA! 

Yes I am passionate about this. Natural food is at stake. Our well being is at stake. People's livelihoods are at stake and we are being fed this garbage without our knowledge. Even "organic" food can have GMO products. We need to know what we are eating, have access to safe, affordable, nourishing food. All other industrialized countries have BANNED them, why are we living in the dark ages?

Picking Your Own Bones

Tanya Maria Mah wrote a blog called "I've Got a Bone To Pick With My Yoga Teacher" that my sweet husband, knowing how much I can relate, shared with me on Facebook today. I thought I would also share and include my response to this. Enjoy!

Wow, she sure had a lot of coffee that day! I get what Tanya is saying here. It gets old when we are told day after day to think positive, go back to our breath, only do what we can handle and it will all work out. After all this time I have played along with dietary supplements, vitamins, yoga, eating right, going gluten free, the changes that have actually occurred as a result to those efforts are small in contrast to the amount of time, energy, money, and will power it has taken to put them into place. This is why pharma wins. But when we give up on these things, and we go the "easy way" with medication to help our anxieties, weight loss, hormone imbalances, energy/fatigue issues, depression, pain, exhaustion, we realize that there is no easy answer and sometimes going back to your breath is better for you than popping a pill. Sometimes these professors got their position because they have knowledge and experience that we, as students don't have, they have talked to enough people, tried enough variety, and know better. Sometimes it is a mixture of these well intentioned know it-alls and their own desire to make a buck that we get sucked into the trends. But we still have to be accountable for our own gullibility at the desire to have something, SOMETHING freakin' work to aid in the discomfort of existing. Not everything is backed by science, and many times the stuff that is comes with a pamphlet 2 inches thick of risks and side effects, then we become gullible that it wont happen to us, until it does. What is the answer? I don't know... I am equally gullible to both sides... We all just want to feel better. Maybe the hardest part is accepting that peace resides in the mind and mind over matter means that you can overcome your pain and suffering if you just believe. Maybe it is a placebo effect that is the best answer to relieve the suffering, the power of ones' own mind. That is why I love psychology... wow, I just wrote a mini paper...

Review of "Birth Rights: The Risk of Choice"

Birthrights: The Risk of Choice is produced by Betsy Kulman, distributed by Al Jazeera, is a 25 minute documentary featuring several doctors, families and birth choice advocates in an attempt to bring awareness about the choices surrounding cesarean sections as an option to birth. The film starts with a couple from Columbus, GA traveling to Atlanta, 2 hours from home, to deliver their baby at a hospital with the only doctor they could find that will allow a trial of labor in order to provide VBAC services. Another scene in that doctor’s office shows other pregnant moms talking about why they chose him. One woman reports calling over 30 OBGYN clinics looking for a practitioner that would allow VBACs before she found Dr. Tate. She said that she was told by other doctors that she would not find anyone who allows VBACs and “it’s for a good reason.”

            Dr. Tate is a OBGYN who is a man of Jewish faith. He believes that it is his traditional Jewish upbringing that gives him a healthy respect for nature’s intention of the way almost all women are able to birth naturally. He also believes there is a time and place for cesareans and interventions to help deliver vaginally and that he will provide them when necessary. And even though many doctors are performing Cesareans because of the fear of being sued, he leaves that in the hands of his faith and provides the best medicine for his patients that he has determined is in their best interest, not his.

            The documentary also gives statistics such as the WHO recommendations that the cesarean rate be below 15%, that the risk of Uterine rupture during a VBAC is less than 1%, that cesareans are the #1 surgery performed in the USA, and that 77% of OBGYNs will be sued at some point in their career.

            It is because of the risk of being sued that many OBGYNs will jump to section a mother. When utilizing cesareans as a normal part of their business, they don’t have to work the longer hours of a practitioner who waits on natural labor, They can schedule more mothers that are due in the same month, they won’t be under the stress of anything else that might happen which could create risks of being sued and they get paid more money when performing the cesarean. There is no incentive for them NOT to use them or, in many cases, over use them.

            The film also highlights support for mothers who have undergone cesareans and seek community to process the emotional issues surrounding these traumatic births, such as ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) and Jill Arnold’s website www.TheUnnecesarean.com where people can access studies, research, data, birth stories and other resources to make informed choices about birthing practices. Jill says, “The overriding theme is frustration and desire to change the system.”

Dance to Heal the Earth

Dance To Heal The Earth. Whenever you dance, wherever you dance, dance to heal the earth! Dancing is power. Dancing is prayer. Some say that all is dance. Maybe. Now there's a big dance coming, a dance to heal the earth. If you're reading this, you're probably part of it. You take part whenever you do whatever you do to help heal the earth. When you recycle. When you choose to show love, to fight for justice, to bring healing, to bring out what is good in others. When you avoid cruelty and dishonesty and waste. When you are outraged. When you speak out. When you give. When you consider the generations to come. When you protest to the oppressors and encourage those who feel the cutting edge of injustice. And, of course, when you dance. There is a tree that all the prophets see, and whenever you let your love show, you make the flowers grow.
Soon this dance will be done in a big way, in the old way, on sacred ground. All living things will take part. If you want to, you can take part. No one is twisting your arm. You can stop any time you need to, and start up again whenever you're ready. If you've read this far, you probably know what I'm talking about. You've probably been doing it in one way or another for a good while. Soon will be the time to make no bones about it! Cut loose!
Anytime you dance, anywhere, whether at a party or in church, dance to heal the earth! Let your feet beat a healing rhythm into the earth. Let your feet beat a strengthening rhythm for those who struggle the hardest. Let your feet beat a life-giving rhythm for all peoples, regardless of race or national boundary, regardless of whether we're human or whether we're the trees, the air, the fish, the birds, the buffalo, the bear, the crow. We come out of hiding, we come back from the dead, and we dance, and our dance is a prayer, and our songs and our rhythms and our breath give life.
Is the music they're playing some mindless jingle? Never mind, as long as it's not bad music, and you can dance to the beat! Make your own words, and make the words a prayer. A prayer for the end of exploitation, a prayer for the end of lies, a prayer for healing, for justice, for life. Remember your prayer-song, feed it and let it get strong and pass it along. Dance and pray, whenever you dance, dance to heal the earth.
Have you seen anything? Wear it out! Make it so that all can see what you see! Take a white T-shirt and mark it with your dreams. Is there anything you'd like to tell the world? Take your shirt and mark it with your song! This is the way it has been done, so you can do it too. Use any color except black (there are reasons for that that will become clearer later), and you'll probably find that a loose, pure cotton T is most comfortable for dancing in. Because this is an actual dance, you dance hard, you sing and breathe hard and sweat. Wear it when you plan to go out dancing, to dance to heal the earth.
Some people do this dance while fasting, and dance for several days straight. But even a few minutes of dancing helps, and joins with all the other dancing going on, everywhere on Earth. Not everyone can fast these days. Besides, you never know when you're gonna dance, and you have to eat sometimes! But if you plan to dance, hold off eating till later, or just have a little. It's easier to dance if you don't have a hotdog weighing you down.
Some people say, do not do sacred things where people are drinking and partying. But all the universe is a sacred place. It really doesn't matter what others are doing, you can make a place sacred wherever you are, with your intention and your prayers. Some people use smoke to make a place sacred; a cigarette or incense stick will do fine. You can dance to heal the earth anywhere, even a party or a bar! The earth is everywhere, so you can dance anywhere to heal her. Only one thing. Please hold off drinking or using any other intoxicants till you're done. It works better that way.
The Lie has gone far enough. It spreads and makes everyone sick. Now is the time for this dance to begin. It, too, will spread, and it will bring healing to all. In the beginning, they say, God put a rainbow in the sky, to let us know that Spirit never forgets. Now is the time for us to put a rainbow across the earth, to let God know that we, too, remember.
Dance to heal the earth. Not just when you're dancing, but always. Live the dance, whenever you move, in all you do, dance to heal the earth.
~Dee Smith

Fight or Surrender, what next?

Today is my daughter’s 10^th birthday. She was my first home birth. It was a difficult experience that has lead to amazing things. Her whole life so far has been an difficult experience that has lead to amazing things. Now I have to remind myself exactly those lessons today. My mother called to wish her happy birthday, she was lucky to even get that. She also informed me that because her and her husband are behind on her taxes, her financial advisor has told her that she is not to co-sign for any more of my student loans. I am $11,500 short for the 2012-2013 year. I have no idea where I am going to come up with that money. I am basically, excuse my Foul language, FUCKED. I am scared, disappointed, wanting to roll in a ball and feel sorry for myself. But I don’t have time for this. I want to finish my college education. It means a lot to me. I don’t know how much harder I am can work to make it happen and still be able to continue my commitments for assignments with AAMI. I regret joining too soon, I should have waited until I was done with college. But now, now, it might mean I make a hard decision to quit college, get a job and get focused on midwifery sooner than I expected. It might mean that I call Carla, tell her what is going on, hope for some mercy and take a pause in my studies. I hate that my update this week is so focused on ways I might fail instead of all the things I completed and succeeded at this week.

Photo by: Tambako the Jaguar

This week I turned in a 20 page Zine project on VBACs that helped me learn so much. This week, my friend, another student midwife, called me to schedule a visit to process a recent birth she attended and said, “ I just need to talk to another midwife.” Referring to me… I was flabbergasted, I know I am still a student, but she knows, in my heart, I am still a midwife and she honors me as such. So much she has asked me to be her partner in surrogacy as she was just accepted by a company and is in the process of being matched to parents and she wants me to partner with her through her pregnancy to be her support person. I am available to be on call to attend births in August and September and I have been reading the latest issue of Midwifery Today. I am so focused, so excited, so determined to make something out of all this, I can’t believe that I may not be able to complete my degree and walk. It means so much to me. I want the education, I love my classes, my teachers, the experience of being in college and learning and questioning and challenging and meeting exciting people and having opportunities to learn things I have never been exposed to before. I feel like I am thriving but I am floundering at the same time. It is terribly difficult and terribly exhilarating at the same time.

I am transforming so much right now it is overwhelming…  My heart is full.